


#hogwarts university of magic and shenanigans and magical shenanigans

by Nyodrite



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Crack Treated Seriously, I Blame Tumblr, Magic, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-14 12:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13007628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyodrite/pseuds/Nyodrite
Summary: Taken from Tumblr about a Harry Potter College AU because I am weak.





	1. Chapter 1

Is Dumbledore the Headmaster/Dean here or just a really old guy who make a hobby out getting a new degree every few years?

McGonagall is a professor, always.

Ooh, maybe Newt is around somewhere teaching a class or two in between writing a book and going off on expeditions (Charlie and Tonks go with him as students ~~and maybe Hagrid is an assistant??~~ ) to study creatures.

Are we talking full on college dorms? Like each House has their own dorm building?

And someone mentioned everyone lives, so is Harry going to college with his parents also? Because that’d be hilarious if his parents are around trying to be cool and just embarrassing him.

But the biggest question of all:

 ** _Is there magic or not?_** Is this a full on No Powers AU or a world where Magic Is Know and has integrated in the muggle world to the point there’s mixed colleges for magical and muggle classes?

because I vote for the later bc so many more shenanigans can happen with magic!

I mean just imagine, Padfoot racing across campus because he’s overslept {and there are anti-apparition wards on campus for security reasons} and other students have long since grown used to this either laugh about sleeping in or cheer him on to make it because Professor Grindelwald is notoriously strict about tardiness.

Or there being rules against flying brooms on campus outside of certain areas/times {such as Quidditch practice} but Harry is like one of the people who just has to ride their skateboard instead of walking, he hasn’t been caught…yet.

(Basically a college HP au is loads of fun but keeping magic just makes it 100 times better)

.

Charlie (and Tonks, who’s in it to be a supportive friend but mostly for the LOLs) waging war against various departments for various reasons - like Biology and dissection - about their treatments of animals. 

Newt is constantly harassed about their antics - because everyone knows who it is but there’s no proof - and is just _“I have no idea what you’re talking about, my students are perfectly well behaved.”_ while his house is full of various rescued creatures the two smuggled there.

.

Hermione and Lily meet one time when Lily came over during the weekend to stock up Harry’s fridge while Hermione was over tutoring him.

They get along _fantastically_. 

Harry and James are low-key freaking out about this.

.

Ron and Harry meeting due to dorm room assignments, where basically the entire Weasley family is fussing over him when Harry stumbles in all alone - because he’s an Adult Now and he can go to college alone. 

(This lasts like barely two weeks before Harry runs out of clean clothes and he calls Lily to ask how to wash clothes; not until later, too late, that he finds out that Ron knows how

{The reason being thus; _Molly has multiple kids in college, by this time she has it down to a **science** just what kinds of things they need to know before leaving home_ })

.

Harry taking a class Voldemort teaches and. Just. Their hatred for each other is known across campus, Voldemort constantly trying to get Harry expelled while Harry is just “ _there’s something fish about that guy”_ and “ _he’s evil mum! why do I have to be nice?”_

.

Hermione and Lily do some kind of rally or organize a student protest that becomes a legit _social movement_ because these woman **cannot** be tamed.

(McGonagall is so proud of her students)

.

Lockhart teaches drama, Harry winds up there while lost and accidentally gets a lead in a play - afterwards Harry just low-key swears vengeance against Lockhart.

.

Umbridge is a guidance counselor that Harry gets arrested the same year he meets her.

(whether the same thing happens to Voldemort eventually or Tom is there to eternally be Harry’s sworn enemy until graduation idk yet)

.

Remus teaches a class there but Harry only is able to take it for one year and is sad, though they do talk.

.

Sirius is the only Marauder actually going to college instead of hanging around for various reasons - he lives off campus though and rides his motorcycle there.

.

Peter, Harry swears to his his parents and the other two Maruaders multiple times, is on campus as Voldemort’s minion in Evil. They don’t believe him because they never see him and he’s out of the country for work. 

(Sometimes Peter just sits there, grading papers in a corner during class, and just stares at Harry. 

Harry then runs to Remus or Sirius - depending on who is closer - and tells them about it and how he certain this means Peter and Voldemort are Plotting, then screams when they are all “Harry, Peter isn’t in the country how cane he be on campus  _Plotting_  with your math teacher?”)

**[@sailorcrazypinklady](https://tmblr.co/muO8ALx5sHvWewZyamsJ7Ig) said:**

_**Are there cameras? With timestamps? Because Harry can get proof Peter is in his class when he is supposed to be out of the country.** _

There are but, since I have decided - right now because I am apparently fond of Peter being a low-key villain for the express purpose of trolling Harry - that this au still has magic, Peter makes use of Time-Turners, Polyjuice Potions and Magical Travel to basically be in two places at once. 

So, the one time Harry got photographic proof of Peter being in class, Peter had it dismissed via alibi of him being out of the country _at work_ when the pictures were taken.

So. No one, except the students living in the same dorm - House? Basically this au’s equivalent to Gryffindor ~~also I should probably talk about the houses a bit too~~ \- as Harry, i.e. his friends, believe that his father’s friend who works out of country is sitting in his math class grading papers.

.

**[@ssilverstreak](https://tmblr.co/mRL5MQ2oz2REFKhfihA0v2w) reblogged:**

_**Okay, so, I need a huge fic about this, because this is comedy gold. Also Snape keeps getting stuck teaching General Chemistry 1 and 2 and Intro to Potions every semester instead of the higher level courses and he’s Salty™ about it. Though he doesn’t pick on Harry here because Lily would straight up kill his ass and he knows it, Harry still sics his mom on Snape for picking on other students.** _

Snape complains about his classes and then swears to get rid of the other potions professors so he can take over the higher level classes to Professor McGonagall who’s sipping her coffee - she has a lot of early morning classes to teach, _alright_ , and tea is just _not enough_ \- like it’s fine wine during this.

(ofc Harry overhears and decides that Snape must be Voldemort’s minion in Evil also.

Also, Voldy actually goes by Tom Riddle but back when Sirius was taking his class - along with his cousin Bellatrix who got a really creepy crush on the guy - and decided to give him the nickname Voldemort.  ~~Never will he admit exactly where that name came from, only it involves drunken shenanigans and waking up in a jail cell with a hangover.~~

Sirius commiserates with Harry over Voldemort’s Evilness, he still doesn’t quite believe Peter is there too though.)

.

Harry would have been majoring in something like law enforcement when he entered, then he switched to sports - Quidditch - for a while before (tentatively) settling on the idea of becoming a teacher.

DA is actually a group of people he's tutoring for both pocket money (Harry has zero self control when it comes to groceries and cooking supplies, Ron has an endless stomach also, so they need the money to eat because they're constantly going over their budget) and for the experience.

.

Luna specializes in Abstract Art that inevitably involves creatures of some kind, it's also magical art so it _moves_.

She also, with her father sending her money and supplies to do so, starts up her own school paper called _University of Magic_ \- UM for short (it's also the papers header and everyone who doesn't actually work on it thinks it is actually named _Um_ ).

.

UM has various recurring topics and writers like;

Professor Scamander's weekly article about Magical Creatures.

Neville Longbottom daily gardening tips.

Harry's bi-monthly segment that is basically him giving tutorials about cooking.

Sirius' once a month add about the Animagus club along with his daily, well, gossip collum.

Charlie, who has the most popular collum by far, sparodically writes about whatever expedition he went on with Newt. (Luna took a poll and the most famous story is the one involving the Niffler, Gringotts, a protest and an escaped dragon. It featured on the news, _twice_ , and Charlie got a howler the same day.)

Ron is basically a food critic who rates the various eateries on/around/near campus.

.

Bill is out of country in an exchange student program - where he meets Fleur - and gets to hear all these stories second hand during Harry's first year.

He's exasperated ~~(and kinda put out because he got used to the chaos and France is was too fucking _calm_ )~~

.

Percy is over in the corner working for his degree in politics and foreign relations, trying to pretend he doesn't know these crazy people the twelfth time the Chemistry building has to be evacuated because of the twins or the third time he has to post bail for Charlie or the sixth time he has to help Ron get home because he took the wrong bus.

(he's especially incredulous over that given they don't take a bus home but the **train** which has a station _on campus_ )

Basically. Percy is Done™ and just wants to graduate.

(he's also UM's editor)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two parts are missing from this, written by @ssilverstreak but can be found _[here](http://ssilverstreak.tumblr.com/post/168512452751)_


	2. Chapter 2

Regulus is Sirius' roommate

(there was a time, during their first time around at college, that the two were sworn enemies - part of it being they shared Voldemort's class and Tom favored Regulus

they eventually made up in the time after graduation when Regulus got in an accident - involving a car, a lake and non-sanctioned necromancy in the form of inferni - and Sirius had been the one to see it on the way back from the Potters' Christmas Eve Party and saved him before promptly {if semi-hysterically} apparating them to a hospital)

Regulus is working for his Masters degree while juggling two bachelor degrees - he's majoring in politics and minoring in psychology and sociology.

(Sirius swears up and down that Regulus is an over achiever whom is a zombie during testing weeks and that Regulus is going to be the most terrifying politician in the world.)

.

On that vein, Sirius originally graduated on a sports scholarship for Quidditch - he was disowned/cut off when he decided not to go for politics like his family - and went on for a fairly successful stint as a beater for the national team.

After saving Regulus though, he decided to go back to college and aim for law enforcement this time.

And if he takes various first aid and healing classes, that's just because nurses are _hot_.

.

Newt kinda never graduated, he just went on his own way to study creatures, came back for a bit to try and publish his book then was hired as a professor.

Newt has no idea how this happened but he adores his students and their interest in the Creatures he teaches about so he doesn't complain.

(there's an incident when Umbridge transferred over to teach at Hogwarts where Newt is almost fired but any accusations of him not being qualified to teach were dropped when Umbridge was arrested)

.

Theseus is a former law enforcement officer who mostly works as security on campus and occasionally gives lectures about being an officer.

He used to go on expeditions with Newt but, as soon as Charlie joined up - more importantly _**Tonks**_ , who has self-preservation when it comes to dangerous creatures and is exceedingly loyal _and_ has a magnificent sheild charm - Theseus retires from going on trips with his brother.

He didn't retire to get into _more_ trouble.


	3. Dorm Buildings

## Hufflepuff

Helga is a Tolkien fan and decided _nope, my dorms aren't going to be a boring building_ and proceeded to make an intricate underground web of Hobbit hole-inspired dorms.

She also stumbled across a badger family that lived there and promptly decided that they were the house's mascots.

## Ravenclaw

Rowena watches Studio Ghibli films, this lead to her decision of making her dorm house _airborne_

No one, not even her, understands how she did so only that it took twelve cups of coffee, a week's diet of granola bars and candy, a drink that included - but not limited to - a mix of Expresso and vodka, and staying awake for nearly seventy hours straight.

(After the feat Rowena blacked out and was in a coma for three days, forgot how and found her notes entirely unreadable thus making it a mystery of the ages)

## Slytherin

Salazar was probably being Goth and Extra but mostly an Edge-lord and decided his dorms would also be underground but instead of Hobbit it's _~Dungeon Aesthetic~_

## Gryffindor

Godric does have an actual dorm building but he was also Extra™ and decided the building was going to be a skyscraper and made platforms for people to just _launch themselves off the side of the building_ **_on broomstick_**


End file.
